This morning my husband asked me if I was still feeling excited about going on a (silent!) retreat for a month. "Yes," I said, "I am!"
I have been in an animated state of late, trying to get everything crossed off of my "to do" list before leaving town. It never seems to be a convenient time to get away for a while. Let's see, since deciding to do this just five days ago, my list has looked like this:
1. Start walking everyday with a Fitbit to measure mileage!
2. Get out of weekly commitments.
3. Finish yard work.
Our annual termite inspection in December revealed that squirrels had gotten into our attic. We had to have the insulation removed, the entry holes found and repaired, fresh insulation blown back in, trees taken down, and stumps ground in the yard.
4. Buy a few provisions: an electric space heater with a thermostat to help when temperatures dip below 30 degrees and the camper's heat pump can't keep up; rapidly dissolving toilet tissue and chemicals for my portapotty so that I won't have to walk out to the bathhouse at night; a lamp so that I can read more comfortably after dark.
5. Take down the Christmas tree and the outside decorations. (We leave them up until Epiphany, the Feast of the Wise Men, which was January 8th this year.)
6. Get living room lamp repaired. (It fell and broke when we took down our Christmas tree.)
7. Splurge on a 4 volume set of the Liturgy of the Hours so that I can join the universal Church in prayer as I learn to flip between sections for Morning Prayer, Office of Readings, and Evening Prayer.
8. Renew my camper's registration and put the new sticker on the license tag.
It was already two months past due, and so I drove to the Tag office today, endured a humiliating lecture from the clerk, paid a fine, and then left, pleased to have my camper ready to hit the road.
9. Prepare for and attend my bible study class tonight.
When this item came around, I must admit I was pretty tired. Exhausted in fact. And so 30 minutes before class, I started to write a note to the facilitator to tell her I would be absent. But then I thought I should try to attend anyway because others have made the effort to come when they've been tired and said how happy they felt afterward.
And so with a steaming hot cup of tea in my hand made by my daughter, I headed out the door to discuss this week's reading:
Luke 3:1-4:13 The Preaching of John the Baptist in the Desert, the Baptism of Jesus and the Temptation of Jesus in the Desert.
(I kid you not!!!)
After discussing these things with my group, I could feel my cheeks become rosy and I began to feel nervous.
"What will happen to me when I go into the desert? Will I meet the Devil there as Jesus did?"
And so I began sharing with the group the plans I had made to be away on a 30 day retreat, not in the desert exactly, but on a sandy beach. And that I was starting to worry...
"Is this your last day here with us for a while??"
"We can pray for you while you are away!"
"Will you be writing in your blog? It makes me feel like I am right there with you."
"Maybe nothing big will happen to you this time, but it will be God's work none-the-less!"
"Today is the Memorial of St. Anthony of the Desert!"
And so with the humble admission of my sudden hesitation and even a little fear, the love of God suddenly came rushing in to meet me through these caring friends.
And then I suddenly became filled with joy!
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