Friday, October 10, 2014

Oxford University

Rain dots our view as my mother and I watch the lush green countryside through the train windows on our way from Oxford to York.   At first six nights seemed too long to stay, but in the end my daughter Courtney was two days delayed in meeting us in her university town, and we enjoyed the time sightseeing and finding the necessary supplies to turn her dorm room into a cozy home.

My "mum" and I stayed in a welcoming B&B called Heather House, a short ten minute's walk from Courtney's dorm.  From there, she walks over lovely Magdalen Bridge and is suddenly amid the towering spires of Oxford.  While it is one overarching university, Oxford is comprised of 39 colleges, each with its own tutors and students and buildings and churches and grounds, and wide range of courses to study.

During our time there, the students arrived in waves.  We could feel the town literally expanding and contracting as cars and luggage and parents and students came and departed once again.  First the international visiting students arrived, then the regular three year students, and finally the freshers.

Because so many came from abroad, we were all competing for the same types of things: SIM cards for cell phones, sheets and blankets for twin beds, towels and tea pots and extension cords, and...until it became a type of scavenger hunt that happened to serve as an excellent introduction to the town!

And Oxford is full of stunning buildings, magnificent gardens, international people, and wonderful restaurants and shops.  It has stunning museums like Pitt Rivers in which one can walk amongst towering skeletons of elephants and horses and polar bears, and whales; artifacts like Sri Lankan Disease Demon Masks; and insect collages displaying the array and beauty of their many varieties.  And these wonders of nature are all displayed in a cathedral like building build especially to house them, topped with an arched glass ceiling that raises one's heart and mind to the wonders of God.

After a pot of tea and a quick sandwich in the museum cafe, we walked down a leafy sidewalk and peeked through a gate of an estate surrounded by a lush lawn and spectacular perennial garden.  We noticed a sign indicating that visitors were welcomed to enter the grounds through a gate around the corner.  So we went down the block and stepped inside and found ourselves standing in the Administration Building for Rhodes Scholars, with portraits of Nelson Mandela and Bill Clinton on the wall.  Through a door and out into the garden, we sat for a while imagining what it would be like to be a scholar who had come to learn and to grow and to exchange ideas in the service of becoming a leader for change and understanding between countries in the world.

And I could really see how time spent in this place called Oxford University could help one to aspire, to dream, to work, and to become the very best version of who he or she was created to be.  And its effects are on not only the scholars themselves, but also on regular people, like my mother and I, who pass through for such a very short time, yet are somehow inspired by that same spirit of learning.

Awesome and Brilliant!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Friends, I have a Confession to Make...



And the confidence that I want to share with you is that I have been feeling emotionally wobbly of late.  Prone to tears.  Excited for the new adventures awaiting my kids at school this year (Connor is a freshman at Appalachian State and Courtney a junior at University of North Carolina who will be studying abroad), but wondering what might become of me.

When I first began working, I wanted to be the CEO, and then I wanted to be a working mom who did it all, then I just wanted to stay home with my kids, and now, after sixteen years, I wonder what to do next.

And so I feel a little weepy.  And I find that I have been pulling away from the things I used to do .... to free myself up...for what?

So, this morning I was dragging a bit when I got out of bed and prepared for the day.  I brewed a pot of coffee, baked some almond croissants for a treat, and then read the scriptures outside on my deck for a little while.  Then Jim came downstairs and I realized it was time to get ready for Mass.  Could I be ready in fifteen minutes?  Um, no.  But I tried.

When I finally rolled into the parking lot at church and hurried toward the door, I could hear the entrance hymn being sung inside:

Come to the feast of heaven and earth! Come to the table of plenty!
God will provide for all that we need, here at the table of plenty.

Realizing I was late, I decided to walk calmly inside and stand near the door in the rear.  There were families everywhere and as I scanned the seats, I  wondered where I might try to squeeze in.  Before long, the head usher Bob peered down the aisle, and after he asked someone to scoot over, he motioned for me to come in and sit down.  

As I walked up the aisle, I saw my friend Liz with her family, and my deceased father's coworker from twenty-six years ago, Harry and his wife Joanmarie.  The woman who had to move over for me gave me a smile, and I settled down as the scripture readings were proclaimed.  I sang along with my husband from afar as he and the choir led us in the Psalm Response: 

Praise the Lord my Soul.  Bless the name of God!

Then the Gospel was read--it was the one about the generous vineyard owner who paid all of his servants a full day's wage, regardless of when they began their day's work in his fields.   Our pastor spoke to us about economics and wage inequality and feelings of envy that inevitably crop up, even in our families, when we compare ourselves to others.  

And he said that Jesus's parables are often inscrutable and we have to ponder them and tease out their meanings for ourselves.  I agree with this.  I think that we can take the Word of God, or the events in our daily lives (such as shopping for a bag, which I wrote about yesterday) and try to glean meaning in them for ourselves, and come away with a deeper understanding of our lives and of God.

After the homily, we recited the Profession of Faith known as the Apostle's Creed, we prayed for the needs of the Church and for the world, we took up a collection, and then presented the gifts to be offered during the Sacrifice of the Mass.  Then we sang.

Open my eyes, Lord.  Help me to see Your face. 
Open my eyes, Lord.  Help me to see.

Our priest held our gifts of bread, wine, and our very selves in his hands at the altar, and presented them to God. 

May the Lord accept the sacrifice at your hands
For the praise and glory of His name,
for our good, 
and the good of all His holy Church. 

United in the assembly, we recited The Lord's Prayer and held hands with each other as we prayed. 

At the Sign of Peace, my energy began to return to me as the woman beside me clasped my hand, smiled, and said, "Peace be with you.  And I love your hair!"   Then I turned to the family behind me and shook their hands.  Turning the other way, I saw my friend Liz again and both she and her daughter stepped out of their row to kiss me on the cheek and wish me peace.  And then I saw John, a man in his 80's whom I used to see at daily Mass years ago.  He recognized me and even called me by name. Then dad's coworker Harry and his wife Joanmarie looked over at me and smiled and mouthed the words of peace to me as I did the same to them.

Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.  
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. 
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world, grant us peace. 

My eyes were riveted to the hands of the priest now, who held up the bread that we had offered and that now, through the words of consecration, had become the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Behold the Lamb of God,
behold Him who takes away the sins of the world. 
Blessed are those called to the Supper of the Lamb.   

I recollected myself as I said with the others, "Lord, I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed."  

Joyfully we walked forward to receive the Lord, hidden in the Eucharist, as we happily sang:

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.

I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear My Light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord.  Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

When all who came forward had received Holy Communion or a blessing, the deacon purified the vessels that had held the sacred Host, and the remaining Hosts were carried up to the Tabernacle to be reserved for distribution to those who could not be present and for those who will stop by the chapel during the course of the week to pray. 

Then the priest stood up and making the Sign of the Cross, offered the final blessing over the us:

May almighty God bless you:
the Father, and the Son, + and the Holy Spirit.  
Amen.

And the deacon proclaimed:

Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life.

And you know what?  Somewhere during the course of the hour, the life returned to my body and I could feel myself looking up and out with a smile toward others.   Truly, I had experienced my own little resurrection from the dead.  

 Praise God!



Friday, September 19, 2014

The Parable of the Bag


In two weeks my daughter will be off to England for her junior year abroad at Oxford University and we are attending to all of the last minute details to get her ready.  For one thing, we have to secure her VISA, which is no small matter and indeed of great concern, but we are also thinking of other less weighty matters that will help her to adjust to her new life overseas...

When I was twenty-two, I embarked on a great adventure myself, and moved to New York City at the invitation of my cousin Anne.  And she, too, saw to the details of what I would need when I arrived.  She helped me land a job at her company OAG on Madison Avenue and 52nd, scored me an apartment on West 68th and Broadway and living with two of her friends, secured me a place in her summer house in Montauk at the tip of Long Island, and introduced me to my new best friend Diane who was her own friend's little sister.  What more could I possibly ask?!

She did have one other suggestion, and we went right out to purchase it shortly after I arrived:  a large black leather bag from a really nice store to carry my shoes (this was the 80's and everyone wore comfortable walking shoes before arriving at their destination and putting on the better looking pair before going inside!)

And so yesterday I thought I might like to get something like that for Courtney.  We decided to look for a small purse with a cross body strap to help her carry her valuables while keeping her hands free.  Then we thought a wallet with a wrist strap might do the job.  But then she thought she might also like a bag to carry her laptop in, and possibly something that would look presentable for her upcoming dinners and teas with various dignitaries that her job with UNC professor Dr. T will require her to attend, one that wouldn't look too ungainly for her petite stature, and one that would hold up to the weather in London.

And so we went shopping.  We looked at wallets and clutches and purses and bags.  We compared them based on how they would coordinate with her various coats and boots, how versatile they might be for a walk to class or a dinner out, how heavy they would be to carry, and evaluated them on how strong their handles would be to support the weight of the computer.  Most of all, we cared about how much she liked any given one, how nice it felt, and how comfortable it was to use.

So after several hours of considering virtually everything there was in the store, we bought a really cute brown leather bag that seemed perfect.  When we got home, Courtney ran to get her laptop to see if it would fit inside, and to our dismay, it didn't.

But the bag was adorable!  Couldn't she find some other way to carry her computer?  How about using a backpack for her laptop and the leather bag for her purse and shoes?  Because she is so limited on what she can take to the UK (only 50 pounds of things in her suitcase!), we decided to return to the store to see if we could find something else.   And there it was:  the perfect bag!  It was tailored and black and roomy and water resistant and just the right size for her.  It also had a laptop sleeve inside!  We found a cross body bag and a simple wallet that would help her sort her new currencies too.

Still in the glow of excitement from last night's purchase today, Courtney and I sat down and discussed "The Parable of the Bag."

What is that?

Well, when I remarked at how amazed I was that throughout our arduous shopping trip she was able to hold out for the bag that met her considerable criteria, the one that was not a compromise, but the one that would suit all of her needs,  I asked her how she had so much hope and faith that "the perfect bag" would somehow be there.

Courtney simply answered that she was able to ultimately find the best bag for her because she did not compare the merits of each bag with the others, but held out for the bag that met the criteria she had in mind, the criteria that would not make it so much "the perfect bag", but rather "the perfect bag for her."

And I thought how differently I go about choosing things:  the best of what's there,  the one that is on sale, the one that is the best value, the one that is the most practical, or the one that someone else would choose.  And I noticed that all of these criterion are based on external factors rather than on something specific to me.

Then I thought about what God is like in this regard.  And I am absolutely certain that He is less interested in how I might conform myself to a given situation, to try to make something fit that doesn't really, or to be satisfied with the status quo and settle for less than my dreams.

No.  What God truly desires is for me to have the friends, the jobs, the experiences, the sorrows, and the joys that this world has to offer that are a particular combination of *my personal desires* and *His generous provision.*

And then I marveled that He has proven time and again that He will go out of His way (read: coincidences, God-incidences, and miracles too) to give me the absolutely best life that He can that is also and especially tailored to me.

And He has in mind a life for you that is tailored for you too!

Wow.



Monday, August 26, 2013

Queen of Poland



Last week at Connor's soccer practice, I was standing by the fence with another parent who had moved to the U.S. from Korea a few years ago.  He said that he owed his Christian faith to a wonderful Baptist preacher in Lousianna whom he and his family met shortly after they arrived.  Now in NC, they have found a new church home, this time for Korean Baptist believers.  And he had a question for me, "Can you tell me what Catholics believe about Mary?"

I said that we honor Mary because she is the mother of Christ.  We do not believe that she is God, but in response to our prayers,  she can and will intercede for us before the throne of her son Jesus.

And then he asked me where she is mentioned in the Bible, and we talked about some of the passages found in Genesis (in response to the sin of Adam and Eve, God promised a Savior, born of a woman, who would crush the head of the serpent), the Gospel of Luke (when the Angel Gabriel came to get Mary's consent to bear a child whom she would name Jesus and the miracle at the wedding feast of Cana when Mary told Jesus that they had run out of wine and then told them to "Do whatever He tells you"), in the Gospel of John (when from the cross Jesus says to His beloved diciple, "Behold your mother" and with that the apostle John took her into his heart and into his home...as all Christians are invited through him to do), and Revelation (when the woman appeared in the sky clothed with the sun and the moon under her feet who was pregnant and in labor while the dragon waited to devour her child.)  With that, he thanked me and then our attention returned to the action on the soccer field.

Thirty two years ago when I was a freshman at UNC,  I was asked a similar question and I had no answer for my roommate who wanted to know if Catholics worship Mary.  It had never occurred to me to think critically about my faith, instead I just knew and accepted the fact that I was Catholic.  It was not until I was challenged by people wanting to know more of what we believed that I began to question and seek answers to the teachings of the Catholic faith.   And for that I am so grateful!  So many of us carry what we learned as children into our adulthood until we fear we have somehow outgrown our childhood beliefs.  And so we must go through a second conversion in which we inform our adult minds and accept anew the faith that will sustain us through the ups and downs in this life.

And that brings me back to Mary.  I knew of her presence in the Biblical accounts, but have since learned that she has appeared through the years in visions to various groups of people around the world.  Some of the names I have personally come to know her by are Our Lady of Guadalupe (Mexico), Our Lady of the Americas (North, Central  and South America), Our Lady of La Van (Vietnam), Our Lady of Kibeho (Rwanda), Our Lady of Fatima, Our Lady of  Lourdes, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Grace, Our Lady of Sorrows, and so many more.

Last fall I sought her intercession under the title of Our Lady Undoer of Knots (Germany) which I heard about when I purchased her statue and novena booklet at a local conference.  In return for her help in finding Father Symeon a position as a diocesean priest with a U.S. Bishop, I promised to make a pilgrimage in thanksgiving to the U.S. Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in August 2013.  The promise tied in with my desire to walk the Camino in Spain, a thirty day 500 mile pilgrimage to the Shrine of St. James.  This walk is much shorter, only three days walking from the church of Sts. Peter and Paul in NJ to the National Polish Shrine near Philadelphia.  And I wanted to somehow talk Fr. Symeon into walking with me.

Just a few weeks later, Fr. Symeon did land a position with the Catholic Bishop of the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston in West Virgina.   And I found myself fulfilling my promise this August, not to the Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Pennsylvania, but to the Shrine of Our Lady of Czestochowa in Poland!  It is the top pilgrimage site in a country devoted to the Blessed Virgin and the place of the miraculous image of the Black Madonna, venerated by the people for the Blessed Mother's answer to their prayers in times of great oppression.

And then I realized afterward that I not only visited the shrine with Fr. Symeon at my side, but we were there on August 2, his Ordination Anniversary too!    As we stood with the kids in front of the blessed image and heard mass being said, I brought with me my many intentions and those of everyone whom we would meet on our trip and all who would ask it about it later or read my blog (And since God is outside of time and space, you can go ahead and offer your prayer intentions right now.) And I asked Mary to protect us and guide us and teach us to follow her son.

And in yet another surprise from God, I realized as I sat down to write about this experience today, that it is August 26th, none other than The Feast of Our Lady of Czestochowa....now that is simply amazing!

Our Lady of Czestochowa, pray for us!

Reference: http://www.theholyrosary.org/maryundoerknots

Shrine of Divine Mercy


Father Symeon suggested that a fitting way to end our day at the concentration camps might be a visit to the Shrine of Divine Mercy in Lagiewniki to pray for all of those affected by the holocaust.  And I readily agreed, as this particular pilgrimage site was high on my list of things to see while we were in Poland.  It was a thrill to go to venerate the relics of a saint whose writings and work had meant so much to me in the past few years.  And it was exciting to enter the shrine where Pope John Paul II had commended the world to the Divine Mercy of God in a solemn Mass.

It so happens that Sister Maria Faustina Kowalska was the first saint cannonized by Pope John Paul II in the new millenium, shortly after I returned in earnest to my Catholic faith.   She lived between the two world wars and received visions of Jesus asking her to have an image painted and venerated around the world in tribute to His Divine Mercy.  She kept a diary in which she made a remarkable accounting of her spiritual life and faithful devotion to her mission despite many obstacles.  A particular archbishop named Karol Wojtyla of Krakow (later named Pope John Paul II) began the initial investigation into her life in 1965.  This beloved pope is soon to be cannonized himself, perhaps later this year.  And it is worth noting that he not only promoted this feast day, but he devoted his pontificate to it and then died on the eve of Divine Mercy Sunday (the second Sunday of Easter) in 2005.

Perhaps the image is most recognizable of all.  In it Jesus stands with one hand raised in blessing and the other revealing his heart from which two rays are eminating: one white to represent the saving waters of Baptism, and the other red to represent the blood he shed for us on the cross.   At the bottom are the words, "Jesus, I Trust in You!"


Pope John Paul II




"Right from the beginning of my ministry in St. Peter’s See in Rome, I consider this message [of Divine Mercy] my special task. Providence has assigned it to me in the present situation of man, the Church and the world. It could be said that precisely this situation assigned that message to me as my task before God."

—November 22, 1981 at the Shrine of Merciful Love in Collevalenza, Italy


"Those who sincerely say ‘Jesus, I trust in You’ will find comfort in all their anxieties and fears."

 "There is nothing more man needs than Divine Mercy – that love which is benevolent, which is compassionate, which raises man above his weakness to the infinite heights to the holiness of God."
—Shrine of Divine Mercy in Cracow, Poland on June 7, 1997

"…with the burning desire that the message of God’s merciful love proclaimed by St. Faustina may be made known to all the peoples of the earth and fill their hearts with hope.  May this message radiate from this place to our beloved homeland and throughout the world… In the mercy of God the world will find peace and mankind will find happiness."
—August 17, 2002

"The Message of Divine Mercy has always been near and dear to me… which I took with me to the See of Peter and which it in a sense forms the image of this Pontificate."
—John Paul II speaking on his Pontificate

"Be apostles of Divine Mercy under the maternal and loving guidance of Mary."
—John Paul II to the Marians, June 22, 1993


From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Faustina_Kowalska:

The fact that her Vatican biography directly quotes some of her reputed conversations with Jesus distinguishes her among the many reported visionaries.  The author and priest Benedict Groeschel considers a modest estimate of the following of the Divine Mercy devotion in 2010 to be over one hundred million Catholics. 

Pope John Paul II said: "The message she brought is the appropriate and incisive answer that God wanted to offer to the questions and expectations of human beings in our time, marked by terrible tragedies. Jesus said to Sr Faustina one day: 'Humanity will never find peace until it turns with trust to the Divine Mercy.'"

There is a beautiful recording of  The Divine Mercy Chaplet in Song  on EWTN and also on You-Tube.  Reference for the 20 minute recording:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5TGfisOKMM&feature=youtube_gdata_player 

Sunday, August 25, 2013

The Concentration Camps

I have struggled a bit with whether to include our trip to Auschwitz I and Auschwitz II - Birkenau in my blog.  The reason is that it is such a sensitive subject, such a sad place to visit, and a difficult thing to talk about. As we were making plans to drive there the night before, Adam's whole family seemed sad by their own memories of having visited there or having heard about the trips of others who went there too.  It seems that Symeon was taken there on a school field trip when he was fifteen as are many of the school children in Poland.  It is a testament to the Polish people that they have not only preserved these sites of great horror, but also have invited the world to come, to remember, and to see.

And it is no easy thing to do.  We arrived on a hot and sunny morning around 10 am and were assigned to an English-speaking group that would be led through the camp by a docent.  Tour guides have to study for two years before they can be a docent at the camps, and their presentations are thoughtful and solemn and appropriate.  They allot three hours for the tour in order to give visitors a chance to not only take in what is there, but to also read about it, meditate on it, and mourn over it too.

As we walked over the train tracks, the very ones that delivered countless thousands into the camps, I tried to imagine how it would have felt to disembark and be separated from my own husband and children as so many innocent familes had been years before.   As we walked through the museum and the dormatories and the gas chambers and the surrounding area, it was hard to understand how the dignity of the prisoners could have been held in such contempt and even overlooked as they were systematically starved and gased and worked to death in the misguided pursuit of eugenics.

But there were signs of hope in the camp as well, in the spirit of Maximillian Kolbe, the Catholic priest who traded his life for a father's, in the people of Poland outside the fence who offered food and assistance however they could, in the hope that lived in the hearts of those who held out until they could be freed, and in the smooth and worn stairsteps throughout the tour standing as testament to the many many people from around the world who have come to see, to pray, to mourn, and to reflect.  And to try to ensure that something like this never happens again. 

On to Krakow

We took a train from Warsaw to Krakow in order to experience how the local people travel (Father Symeon wanted to save the luxury of a rental car for later!) and found ourselves quite comfortable in a first class cabin for six.  We were somehow able to hoist all of our luggage into the racks above our seats and settle in for the three hour trip to the home of Symeon's cousins.  Time passed fairly quickly as we enjoyed the views of the countryside outside our window, which was being opened by us and closed by our cabin-mate as we tried to ward off heat and wind by turns.  My son Connor had purchased a magnetic chessboard for the occasion and he and Father Symeon were passing it back and forth across their laps with occasional exclamations of victory and defeat.  It was a fun diversion for them and for Courtney and me too, as we watched them spar.

Before long we were seated on a bench at the train station in Krakow, awaiting the arrival of  Symeon's cousin Adam, who would wisk us away to his home on a farm just east of the city.  After a little while of waiting, we were soon swept up by him as he greeted Symeon, grabbed one of our suitcases, and began walking full speed down the platform, down a ramp and into a tunnel, then out into a parking lot where his truck was parked. He loaded all of our bags into the back (with nary a complaint!), helped us into the back seat and then sat up in front with Symeon as he drove us away.  He talked and he gestured and he laughed and he smiled as he caught up with Symeon as we flew down the highway toward his home.  When we arrived, we received a warm Polish welcome from his mother, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and the many other family members and friends who came in and out during the time that we were there.

I think I have written to you a few weeks ago about our stay on their farm.  It was a real highlight of the trip for all of us, giving us a chance to meet and converse with many people and to be so generously provided for by his whole family in every way possible during our stay.   One of the things they gave us was the use of their car during our stay.  This allowed us to travel much more quickly and efficiently and comfortably too, to the outlying sights we were planning to see, and we readily accepted their generosity.

The only catch was that I was the only one who could drive a stick-shift car and so I would be doing the driving....!  The next morning Adam took me on an early morning errand to pick up something for his business and give me a chance to learn how to drive.  He didn't speak much English and I certainly didn't know Polish, but between the two of us we managed to get there and back despite the fact that I didn't understand their signs too well ...(a yellow diamond means that I have priority and should not yield and a yellow triangle with a red band around it means the other driver has right-of way).   When we arrived back at his house, he critiqued my driving with Symeon and asked him to explain to me the signs I did not understand.  He said I was a good driver....and I must admit that he is a far more relaxed and patient driving teacher than I have been in the past....hopefully I have learned not only how to drive in Poland, but also how to be a patient teacher for my teenaged kids  too.)

With that, we loaded the kids into the backseat of the car, and Symeon and I set out to find our way to  Oswiecim, Poland where former concentration camps Auschwitz I and Auschwitz II- Birkenau are located. 

http://en.auschwitz.org/z/