My Intentional Camino: Battling Against Fear

My peaceful sojourn by the sea is turning into something more like a battle against the elements.

It is the end of January after all.  And I am in a large open campground with thousands of acres of protected habitat for birds, sea turtles, alligators, raccoons and I haven't see what else yet...

There is the wind that buffets the walls of my little popup camper, rocking the heavy wooden shrine at its peak throughout the night.

And then there is the cold that seeps in through thin walls, waking me again and again from my sleep.

Most insidious of all, there is that persistent scratching sound that begins around midnight or 2:00 am from under my camper and moves round the perimeter and will not abate despite my claps, stomps, and shouts.

What to do?

 Well besides moving campsites, trying different heat sources, and finally packing up all of my food and scented things and putting them in the car, I have also turned to prayer.  And this reminds me of a beautiful legend of a Cherokee Indian Coming of Age ritual that I'd like to share here:

When the time comes for a Cherokee Indian to go through his rite of passage, his father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.

He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.

He cannot cry out for help to anyone.

Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold. It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

Like the boy in this story, we too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us. When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him during the night. 

As it so happens, I did not hear any animals circling me last night and I was able to keep warm with a ceramic heater, blankets, and a sleeping sac which I added to the mix when the temperatures dipped below 30.  

And just now, would you believe it?  The sun is shining and I think I hear a bird nesting in my little shrine.

My Intentional Camino: Taking Small Steps

So after I finished complaining in my last blog entry about how tired I was and how I didn't really feel like going out today, I decided that I could at least get on my bike and ride to the dumpster.

In my slippers.

And so I did.

It was the first time I had been on my bike in many months, and the roads are so flat here at the beach campground, that my "over 50 cruiser" was a pleasure to ride.

After depositing my trash into the raccoon-proof receptacle, I pointed my front tire toward the ocean. And suddenly I was riding along the shore-line on the hard packed sand as the sun was sinking into the horizon.

And I felt so free!

So I rode a while up the beach, imagining I was on the back of a horse, galloping along the sand.

Of course, I knew that interior image differed greatly from the outside picture of what I was really doing:  riding in my slippers and sweats and fur trimmed coat, on a fat tire bike,  along the shore line,  in the sand...

But still I felt on the inside, so happy and so free.

And before I knew it I was pedaling toward the inland waterway where the pelicans and herons were swooping in for a bit of supper.  And the sky began to change and glow.

And I suddenly felt like I was inside of a living picture...

Oh, the wonders of God!

(I'm sure you'll understand why there are no photos this time...:D)

My Intentional Camino: Today I'm Puttering Around

On Tuesday I thought this guy zipping past my campsite with three similarly outfitted friends looked like a moron, but today I'm not so sure.

Why is that?

Because on Tuesday I was still flushed with the excitement of being in this state park, still filled with dreams of walking many Camino miles on the beach each day, and indeed, even trying to figure out how my fitbit step counter works so that I can actually keep track of my imagined progress.

Steps 

FRISATSUNMONTUEWEDTHU

But today I am *just* *plain* *tired.*

Notice my step count for today, which is Thursday.

It has been cold at night, so I have not been sleeping well.

And my back hurts as well as my bones.

And I just don't feel like getting up and going outside again today.

Wonder if I can hitch a ride with that guy the next time I'm up.

"This just in" from one of the widows on my fitbit application:

Congratulations! You're getting out there.

Increasing exercise moderately over time is a smart, healthy approach.

Well, "Praise God" for moderation!

 I think I just might stay inside the rest of the day and rejoice.

My Intentional Camino: More Thoughts are Bubbling Up

When I posted my blog on Facebook, the one about the message from God that came to me in the middle of the cold and starry night here on the banks of the Atlantic Sea….

My friend Rich replied something to the effect of, “Love your blog.  Getting any pearls of wisdom out there in your self-imposed exile by the sea?”

Rich, this IS the wisdom that I’m getting!  It’s in the extraordinary thoughts about ordinary things like bean soup and its effects.

Now, I don’t take Rich too seriously, as he is right now actually sitting in a swinging chair attached to a tree in Costa Rica.  My proof lies here:

But his question brings to mind an important point.  Understanding what God has to say is not something that is too lofty for us!  He comes to us in the ordinary stuff of our ordinary days.  

I think it is a trick of the Devil that we sometimes think it is all too complicated for us to think about now.

We think that the Bible is boring too.  It is too heavy to pick up, too complicated to read, too this and too that and so we never begin.

But just opening to these two passages, you can see how much fun reading what God has to say might be:

“O stupid Galatians!"    and     “Are you so stupid?”   (reference: Galatians 3:1-14)

...and then try replacing “Galatians” with thee :)

If you keep reading the passage all the way through, you’ll discover that God doesn’t end with his exasperation with us, but instead concludes with an impossibly fantastic and unbelievable, and also unfathomable blessing:

“Christ ransomed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written, ‘Cursed be everyone who hangs on a tree,' that the blessing of Abraham might be extended to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.”

Another passage that shocked me when I first heard it is this:

"[Jesus] asked them, 'What are you arguing about with them?’

"Someone from the crowd answered him, ‘Teacher, I have brought to you my son possessed by a mute spirit.  Wherever it seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the mouth, grinds his teeth, and becomes rigid.  I asked your disciples to drive it out, but they were unable to do so.’

“He said to them in reply, ‘O faithless generation, how long will I be with you?  How long will I endure you?  Bring him to me.’”   (reference Mark 9:15-32.)

And that, my friends, is the beauty of the spiritual life.  God is saying, "Don't take yourselves so seriously!  Swallow your pride and bring your problems to me!  All it takes is a little faith!  And before you know it, you'll be doing greater things than these."

All I can say is, thank goodness that God not only has a sense of humor, but a lot of patients too! 

Um, "patients" would be us!   I meant to type "patience,"  but God is winking yet again. 

My Intentional Camino: Ruminating on the Soup

The thing about the soup is, if I think about it a little bit more, there is still so much to learn.

For example, God was with me in the very beginning, more than a year ago, when I thought I would buy a farm share so that I could feed good fresh food to my family....and each Thursday thereafter when I opened my front door to all varieties of produce grown and raised on our local farms.

He was there that day that I ordered a package of "Ham Bits," and when after leaving it in the fridge for a few days, I tossed it in the freezer thinking that I could use it later in a dried bean soup.

And God was there during all that has happened since then, and He was lurking in my kitchen as recently as last Sunday morning when I woke up early and decided to make a 15 Bean Soup from a package I found buried on a shelf in my pantry (gee, He was there way back when, when I bought that too!), with ham bits and onions and tomatoes and garlic.

And, smiling now, I remember how pleased I was with myself to see it bubbling on the stove when Jim came downstairs for Mass.

"I'm making 15 Bean Soup with the ham bits from last summer!" I declared gleefully, feeling so clever and nutritiously minded.  "It will keep you and me in warm meals for a few days while I'm away!"

[Here I am at Mass, feeling so excited for my 30 Days at the Beach to begin.  Afterward I shook Father's hand and said, "I'm going on the Camino again! 

[He had blessed me in October before I left for Oxford and then for St. Jean in France to begin the "real walk" across Spain.  He was also the one who approached me three weeks later asking, 'Didn't you go on a long walk?  Why are you back so soon?']  

His reply to me this time, "It doesn't count!!!"

(It's okay, Friends.  I keep him young :)) 

[And here I am on Sunday afternoon, walking my dogs in the rain while the soup was on to boil. 

 See how happy I was?!]

When the soup was done I ladled it into single sized glass storage containers that could be refrigerated and then microwaved with ease.

"You're going to have to eat this soup while it's fresh and then freeze the rest!  How many containers would you like...five?  six?"

"Make it three," he wisely concluded, and so I did.

Three for him and three for me.

And then I froze the rest.

My Intentional Camino: Wisdom From on High

Today, on the feast day of St. Thomas Aquinas, I prayed along with the church for the gifts of wisdom and understanding.

And through the course of my long walk on the beach and now under the covers in my poustinia while trying to fend off the cold outside, this is what I feel God is trying to tell me:

"If you're going to eat 15 bean soup, there are going to be consequences."

Yes, God has a sense of humor!

And He teaches with parables still.

My Intentional Camino: Vying over Territory

Let's see, I've been here in the South Carolina state park in my little A-frame camper for about 48 hours now...

...and I've already called two campsites home.

When I phoned the park last week to make my 30 day reservation, the clerk asked me which site I would like to be assigned.  "You pick it," I said and then thanked her as I hung up the phone.  

Mistake #1.  

The first campsite was at the far edge of the park in a wooded thicket that was completely covered in trash.  And the picnic table was positioned down a hill in a wet and muddy area, making the table impossible to use.  So I pulled into the site and drove my camper back and forth until I could make it level.  Then I popped the top up and began unloading my car.  

Next I dragged out the "soccer tarp" with the heavy metal frame and heaved and hoed it until I finally got it somewhat in place.  I was not able to extend it to its full height, so settled for placing my chairs under it and a log metal table, and went ducking in and out from under it as I set up the outdoor kitchen.

When it began to get dark, I went inside my camper and began setting up my bed.  Suddenly I heard a ruckus on the metal table outside, and then a ripping sound and a crash and scampering under bushes and trees.  As I stepped out of my camper and into the darkened site I saw my heavy bag filled with supplies ripped, and saw cups and knives and kitchen goods tumbling from it and crashing on the table and the ground below.  Listening again, I heard a thunderous stomping in the thicket just a few steps away.

I tried to assert my dominance over my intended territory snatcher and stood my ground as I quickly gathered everything that was under my tarp and placed it back in my car.   Then I went back inside and had a warm and comforting dinner of homemade ham and 15 bean soup, a cornmeal muffin, and some hot tea.

And it's a good thing I ate a nice meal, because a few hours later when the temperatures dropped into the 30's and the electric power went out in my camper, I just snuggled a little deeper under my covers, and went comfortably back to sleep.

The next morning I noticed this small sign at the edge of my campsite a few steps into the hedge:  

Today I am in a new and improved site, without a thicket and in the warm sun.  I'm hoping to settle in here and make it for the duration...!

My Intentional Camino: On My Way to the Sea!

Having wrestled away my bag of stuff from most probably a twelve inch high masked intruder who arrived at my campsite by dusk, I spent my first night cozily tucked inside my little Poustinia by the South Carolina Sea.

What began as an auspicious start quickly descended into a time of trial and well, if not pain, then in what COULD HAVE BEEN suffering and disaster :)

As I headed out of my suburban driveway yesterday morning, with the "Chunky Doll" my mother made for me riding shotgun, I decided to swing by the library with my camper in tow to return the book that a friend recommended to me last week.

CAUTION:  Beware what you read!  It may inspire crazy ideas, or at least ideas that don't seem nearly as crazy as what that other person wrote about by comparison!

Anyway, as I was driving through the book return, I heard someone honking and calling my name.  And it was my friend Suzanne!  And she had said earlier that she wanted to be with me on this Camino!  And she was, right here in the Eva Perry Library parking lot!!!!

(Now tell me, when was the last time you felt this good running into a friend somewhere in town?  It's all about living intentionally!)

My Intentional Camino in 2015

I have been eyeing a deal I saw on the internet a few months ago and wondering whether I could use it as a spring board to launch my idea of the perfect Camino: taking my little A-frame camper to the beach and using it as a seaside hermitage, walking along the ocean with God in beauty and splendor by day and sleeping in the comfort of my Poustinia by night...for six weeks or 500 miles, whichever comes first! 

"Snowbird" 30-Day Camping Special 50% off at South Carolina Coastal State Parks

December 1, 2015 through February 28, 2015

Calling all snowbirds! Escape the cold of the North and come spend some extended time camping along the South Carolina coast this winter.

The South Carolina State Park campgrounds at Colleton, Edisto Beach, Givhans Ferry, Hunting Island, Huntington Beach, Myrtle Beach and Sesquicentennial (in Columbia) would like to offer you a 30-day campsite reservation at half price!  

There’s beautiful weather during this time of year in South Carolina and still so much to do on the park and in the nearby area.

To take advantage of this offer, here's what you need to do:

• Call one of the seven parks that you are interested in reserving your campsite, and make your reservation. You cannot make your reservation online or via the toll-free number. 
• Mention you are interested in the 30-day snowbird camping special. 
• Pay for your entire month (30 days) at the time of registration. 
• There are no refunds for early departure.  Arrive and enjoy your stay! 

With ideas of returning to work soon and wondering if I could squeeze a walk across northern Spain in while it is still wintry and cold, I looked at my calendar and saw that the 30 day discount offer window is nearly expired.  

Seeing a month of weekend activities dotting my calendar (things like a new Friday book group, a 2 day retreat with the Women of Grace, Sunday backpacking group outings, and a trip with my mom to Dallas to visit her brother), I had an idea.  How about if I took my camper to a beach less than a four hour's drive away and stayed there during the week while coming home on weekends to keep my appointments and restock before heading out again?

Excited by this idea (and yes, running it by my husband too,) I decided to begin this day by going to church and praying about it while I was there.   Father Staib opened the Mass saying that it was the Feast Day of St. Marianne Cope, a woman canonized in 2012 for her work with the lepers on Moloka'i, Hawai'i.  He said that when our new church in Apex, NC is completed, he would like to have relics of the Saints of Moloka'i enclosed in the altar.

This news thrilled me because I had "met" both of these saints less than 30 days before when I entered a rural church in Kuau'i.   There Sts. Damien and Marianne gazed back at me from their photos on the wall, looking out from eyes weary with work and deep with compassionate love. 

After purchasing a handmade rosary for my Uncle Jim as a remembrance of our time together in Hawai'i, I wanted to know more about her and learned that she was beatified on my birthday (of all days!) in 2005 and then canonized on October 21, 2012.

   

And so I have decided that my Intentional Camino will begin today, in the company of St. Marianne Cope, Patron of Outcasts.   And even as I type this I am enthusiastically mapping out my plan.   

And you know, a pilgrimage is never about just "me and God." So if you feel called to join me for some part of this journey that yes, begins today! then let me know and we'll take this beautiful walk together.  

Letter to Editor of NC Catholics 

January 21, 2015

Dear Rich,

You came to mind to me suddenly as I was making my weekly Eucharistic visit to a “down and out” assisted living facility here in Apex.  The halls are filled with the most marginalized of our citizens who are poor or black or mentally ill or forgotten … and often all of those factors combined.   My parish priest asked me to see a woman in her 70’s with Bipolar Disorder whom he has known through the years, and through my ministry to her I have met other residents and people in the home and heard bits and pieces of their stories.  

In December we went with our senior citizen group to bring a little Christmas cheer.  When I saw one of our men sitting in his car outside the facility as I left, I asked him about it the next day.  He is an MIT graduate (perhaps a Rocket Scientist!) and said he couldn’t hear well nor understand what the people were trying to say, so he felt uncomfortable and decided to wait outside in his car for his wife to get through with the party.  But something funny happened while he was inside, he said, because he suddenly saw his neighbor come in and go to visit someone down the hall.  His neighbor came back out to him and said, “I am visiting one of the new residents here….he was the former commander of a nuclear submarine and I served on one myself.  Would you like to join us?”  And sure enough, this man from my church had served on a submarine too…and the three men reminisced and formed community in this little forgotten place … and God was so clearly the orchestrator of it all…

Over the course of the months and I don’t know, perhaps two years, that I have been going there, my ministry has expanded to include a few other Catholic residents whom I was introduced to as I made my rounds.  Then one day I felt compelled to ask one of the nursing aids if she was a Catholic and whether she would like to receive the Eucharist too.  She hesitated at first, but then said “yes”, and when I suggested we recited the “Our Father” together, she remained silent while I said the prayer. She received and then I left.  The next week when I came, I offered again, and asked her if she would like to say the prayer. She responded that she had only learned the prayer in Spanish and this time I kept my mouth shut as she recited the prayer from her heart while chills ran up and down my spine. 

Each time I come, she looks eagerly for me and receives.  Today I stayed with her a while and asked her about her life.  And this is why you came to mind and why I am contacting you.   She told me her story:  as a young girl growing up in Guatemala she was about 6 years old when her mother abandoned the family and left her to raise her younger siblings.  After seven years she was ordered to join her mother in the US or be cut off from her family for life.  She came and married and had a son.  She is 30 years old today and her son is 11…she is working as a nurse’s aid at this assisted living facility, has a second job at Target in Holly Springs, is pursuing her nurses license at Wake Tech and raising her son.  And through all of this she feels nothing but blessed.  

She said that her husband was abusive and after several violent attacks she finally had the courage to trust God and leave him with her son in tow.  She prayed that her son would have the strength to leave him too, and then called the police to report the rape that sent her out of the situation and sent her husband to jail and then through deportation back to Guatemala. 

And through it all, she had experienced the deep presence of God.  He encouraged her to wake up to her situation and then provided the resting places to help her build her new life on her own with her son.  She said that she has the goal of becoming a Nurse Practitioner one day and is working toward it each day.  And she welcomes the chance to tell her story to others so that they may be encouraged in their own situations to walk forward and trust God. 

Rich, I am a privileged woman in my early 50’s with a college education and a newly empty nest.  I have my own challenges that are very different from hers and yet this woman’s courage and strength and raw faith in God help me with my own walk in faith as I try to trust God in helping me decide what to do with the “second half” of my life.

As I talked with her this morning, I thought how publishing her story in the NC Catholics could be such a light of faith for others and it could possibly bring opportunities to her life as well.  And so I asked her if she might be willing to have her story published and she said yes as she gave me her number. 

Rich, our diocese is full of the goodness and presence of God working in our daily lives and helping to build us up in faith. Thank you for spreading the Gospel through your wonderful ministry at NC Catholics.

Sincerely,

Ronda Watts
St. Mary Magdalene Church